Snowball’s Gone To Unite With Snowie

…and his other three children, Trovy, Trudy, and Rudy. Snowball passed away last Saturday at the age of 17 years, 9 months, and 4 days.

Although this was rather expected due to his on-and-off frailty since this past January, I wasn’t ready for him to leave me before his 18th birthday. I had plans to do a special birthday party theme to celebrate his 18 wonderful years with me.

His frailty began to worsen two weeks ago but he never let it affected his daily routine, patrolling the house checking everything in its rightful place, slowly but surely. It was emotionally challenging to watch Snowball strolled around the house on his weak and skinny hind legs. He did, however, show some signs of improvement (better appetite and mentally alertness) just three days prior to. Sadly, that lasted only two days, and then everything gradually went downhill the night before.

Despite his difficulty to articulate any sound, due to his rapid breathing, Snowball “asked” me to stay close to him. Of course, I did even if he didn’t ask me to. During his last five hours, we talked—telepathically. When we both said what we needed to say to each other, Snowball finally took his last four or five gasps and left.

I’m glad he died at home on his own accord, spare me the idea of euthanasia. It also gave Zody and Rovy an opportunity to say goodbye to their father. I was hoping that would lessen their grieving process but it didn’t work that well for Rovy. When I came home after dropping Snowball off at the animal hospital for the following week cremation, Rovy rushed to sniff at the empty carrier bag searching fanatically for him. I wasn’t in the mood to “coax” him out of his grief, so to speak, so I left it at that. The following two mornings were extremely painful, emotionally speaking. Rovy would let out long and sorrowful howls whenever I was out of sight, making our (Zody and myself) grieving process even more excruciating.

As much as I wanted to pretend not to hear the howls, I knew the immediate way to work out his grievance was to have a heart-to-heart talk with him in spite of my own vulnerability. Paradoxically, it helped me in some ways. It got me to re-examine my priorities in life and face those not properly healed wounds (partly ignorance, partly avoidance) that have accumulated over the years.

When you have unresolved issues lingering, it’s almost impossible to write passionately, effectively, and coherently if I may add. Those plasters I’d placed over the wounds and on top over one another need to be removed—either now or never. To help me with this process, which I’d been putting it off for over a year, I’m using The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It’s a twelve-weeks program, this is not to say I’ll stop posting until I’m completely unblocked. I’ll still blog but not 2 to 3 posts per week…for now. I don’t know exactly how fast I’ll recover and when will the next doggie post be. All I ask of you readers is to be patient with me as I sort things out.

Whatever the outcome of this program, I’ll still keep this blog updated. After all, it’s one of my precious blogs. If you like what you read here, find them helpful, great; part of my mission accomplished. However, it would help me (and others) enormously if you could spread your love for this blog more widely.

There’s no denying that I want some kind of cheers during this trying time—a journey which I don’t know where it will lead me until I’m aboard.

Any encouragement or comment is greatly appreciated, always!!!