How to Help your Child to Grieve Over her Departed Dog

Nobody likes the feeling of losing someone especially a bond has been tightly established. And to say that losing a dog is no less easy than losing our loved ones (humans) is some sort of an understatement.

For parents who never experienced losing their dogs during childhood will find it difficult to comprehend their child’s grieving process. Sometimes parents unwittingly pass unpleasant remarks (and that I say it affectionately) to their grieving child in hopes of snapping her out of it. Not only is this method fruitless, but it has an adverse effect. You are actually telling your child that it is wrong to grieve for her best friend.

Here’s a telephone conversation I had with Mrs. Jones (name has been changed to protect her identity) many moons back, see if this scenario rings any bell to you.

Mrs. Jones: My darling girl, Megan, just lost her dog and now finds it very difficult to concentrate on her studies in school.

Renée: I’m sorry to hear that.

Mrs. Jones: She hardly eats even at home and is always silent and always crying…most of the time. She refuses to be comforted and is now getting irritable. Do you find this stupid of her?

Renée: I’m afraid to tell you that if you think this is stupid of her, then you’re not being fair.

Mrs. Jones: I bet your pardon? (Sounded a bit agitated herself)

Renée: Take it easy…let me explain. You see, you might think the dog was nothing more than an ordinary dog, right?

Mrs. Jones: Yes, but we all loved Maggie very much and treated her just like a part of the family. (Almost in an apologetic tone)

Renée: I understand, and with that I agree completely. But do you know what? To Megan, this dog had now grown much closer to her than an ordinary dog. The attachment she had given to this so called ‘ordinary dog’ is now much deeper than even that which humans have for themselves.

Mrs. Jones: Huh? Are you saying that Megan values the dog far more than she values us? (Sounded like she’s about to go into a fit)

Renée: Not quite so but along the line. You see, when you were not there with her, Maggie was her mother and father all rolled into one. When her friends were not there with her, Maggie was her friend and always stayed with her. And since Megan doesn’t have any siblings, Maggie acted as her brother and sister all rolled into one. When she was sad and depressed, Maggie was there with her.

Mrs. Jones: Hmmm… (Calm breathing)

Renée: So, you see…she’s grown to accept this dog as part of her. That’s why it’s so painful to her that Maggie has died. It’s just like losing a part of her. Now, doesn’t she have a genuine reason to be depressed?

Mrs. Jones: I never thought she’d regard Maggie in this manner. (Much calmer)

Renée: That being said, instead of being mad at Megan for losing concentration after the death of her dog, you should be sympathetic with her. This is the time when she needs your care and love, the most. It’s alright to feel lost in the beginning of not knowing how best to assist her grieving process. Once you’re aware of it, give her the love and support she needs.

Mrs. Jones: How do I go about it?

Renée: The first thing you need to do is to have a heart to heart talk with Megan. Explain to her that Maggie has ‘gone to Heaven’ where she’ll meet her someday. Let her be convinced that it’s neither her fault nor anyone’s fault that her companion has died. It’s probably Maggie best intention for her is to be happy and go on with her life. Even though the dog is physically gone, doesn’t mean Megan can no longer hold Maggie in her heart.

Mrs. Jones: Will getting a new dog help ease her grieving process better?

Renée: Right after the death of dog probably isn’t the best idea. Maggie has been gone for….

Mrs. Jones: A little over three weeks.

Renée: Sounds like a reasonable good time. After you have a heart to heart talk with Megan, ask her if she’d like to get another dog. It would be best to get one that looks like Maggie. Then explain to her that this new dog has been sent to her to help her get over the loss of the previous one. If you do this with genuine love and concern, she’ll understand and with time she’ll get over the loss of her dog.

Mrs. Jones: This does sound workable. I’ll give it a go. Thank you for your time.

Renée: You’re always welcome.

Staying mad at your child for grieving her lost dog is never an option. Empathize your child grieving process will help her handle the loss of her dog much better and far more effective.

Few weeks after that telephone conversation, Mrs. Jones called to say that the new dog has bonded very well with Megan after a few days of her arrival. When asked about the name of the new dog, Mrs. Jones said sheepishly, “Josey, it was Megan’s idea to name her after the dog I’d always wanted but never had when I was a child.”